Are you taking the piss? (British for: No way! Take off you hoser!)

So there I was, in the midst of a room full of Brits, trying to convince them that Canada, my big old artic homeland, has a lot more to offer than just maple syrup and huge expanses of undeveloped real estate. Instinctively, I turned to pop culture to help me out as I listed off several celebrity personalities they might recognize.

To kickoff with, our colonial cousins typically recognize the first three celebrities I mention to them straight off, Bryan Adams, Céline Dion and Jim Carrey. Most know other names such as Kiefer Sutherland and Mike Myers, but strongly argue that these two draw on their modest dose of British heritage for their success. Obviously! Then they recognize certain other names, but didn’t realize they were Canadian. Avril Lavigne, Nickelback, Steppenwolf, Keanu Reeves, Eugene Levy, and Alex Trebec win that award as they usually react to this list with a, “Oh! They’re Canadian?”

Then there is the, “you know they’re Canadian, if you know them at all” category. The latter includes such talented individuals as Michael J. Fox, Leonard Cohen, Arcade Fire, Tom Green (if not talented, at least creative… or different) and Neil Young. For some reason John Candy is the king of this group as not many have heard of him, but find someone who knows of Cool Runnings and its an immediate, “Oh right! That’s with that fat Canadian bloke, ‘int it?”

I mean, I’m sure it even surprises some Canadians to learn that some of the people I mentioned above have an affiliation to the Great White North. It must have something to do with the vacuous black whole that is American mainstream media and its ability to assimilate artists the world round. Take off eh! That’s quoting Rick Moranis for those of you in the dark about Bob and Doug McKenzie, the long and cold Inuit igloo darkness… you hosers…

However, they’re not so much the real Canadian heroes to me anyway. They can be considered our brand of pop idols, under-glorified as they were compared to our southerly neighbors, eh? It’s no wonder some get swept away by it considering Canadian Idol is to American Idol what the humble Canadian beaver is to the predatory wolf (don’t mind my Farley Mowatesque symbolism, it seems like the Canuck thing to do).

According to me, the true Canadian heroes don’t get discussed enough and probably because, well, not many people find reason to gossip about Peter Mansbridge’s newscast, Lester B. Pearson’s Nobel Peace Prize, Fred Banting’s discovery of insulin, Romeo Dallaire’s courage under fire, David Suzuki's Nature of things, Tommy Douglas's healtcare or Louis Riel’s cultural rebellion.

And considering the great Brit’s didn’t know the first batch, it was certain that they would know sweet f**k all about the latter. So instead, we talked about sports, and while the lads knew a bit about it, the conversation goes like this:
Cockney1: Gretzky! I think I've heard of him.
Me: Yep, he played in Edmonton where I'm from.
Cockney2:Where's that?
Me: On the left side of the map...
Cockney 1: . . . . . .?
Scouser2: Owan Hargreaves? But he plays for the England National side, he’s British!
Me: Yeah but he grew up in Calgary. So basically he's Canadian.... Wankers.

Now if you guys will excuse me, I have some Bruce Cockburn, Robert Charlebois, Tom Cochrane, la Bottine Souriante, CSNY, Barenaked Ladies and Tragically Hip mp3s to listen to; some of George Strombolopolous’s (how do you spell it?), Harland Williams’ and Tom Green’s podcasts to watch and some of Gabrielle Roy’s Bonheur d’Occcasion to get through before I retire to my igloo.

Until next time, keep your stick....
Well you know the rest.

Le Grand Duc